The Onion Peels Open Poseidon

My new favorite Poseidon review quote is from the review in The Onion:

"Titanic" without the metaphors, the class-consciousness, the love story, or anything resembling a theme, Poseidon invests so little in its screenplay that it might as well be an episode of "The Love Boat" gone horribly awry."

Ella Taylor, in her review for LA Weekly, praises, you know, the special efx:

"The effects are terrific, from the two-and-a-half-minute opening sequence that tracks around the brilliantly lit liner from below, above and round about, to some amazing exterior shots of the groaning vessel rolling around in the churning sea like a giant, wounded whale."

Forecast ahead: Huge box-office takes at home and maybe even bigger loot abroad. With dialogue this pointless, there's no way anything will be lost in translation.