Rare Musical Terms and Definitions

Here's a list of rare musical terms and definitions, forwarded to me by my guitar-playing friend Gary Kolosey:

Adagio fromaggio: to play in a slow and cheesy manner.

A la regretto: tempo assigned to a performance by the conductor after it is panned by the local music critics.

Al dente con tableau: in opera, chew the scenery.

Allegro con brillo: the fastest way to wash pots and pans.

AnDante: a musical composition that is Infernally slow.

Angus Dei: a divine, beefy tone. Antiphonal: referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall

A patella: unaccompanied knee-slapping.

Appologgiatura: an ornament you regret after playing it.

Approximatura: a series of notes played by a performer and not intended by the composer, especially when disguised with an air of "I meant to do that."

Approximento: a musical entrance that is somewhat close to the correct pitch. Bar line: what musicians form after a concert.

Basso continuo: the act of game fishing after the legal season has ended.

Basso profundo: an opera about deep sea fishing.

Cacophany: composition incorporating many people with chest colds.

Concerto grosso: a really BAD performance.

Coral Symphony: (see: Beethoven -- Caribbean period).

D.C. al capone: you betta go back to the beginning, capiche?

Dill piccolo: a wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

Diminuendo: the process of quieting a rumor in the orchestra pit.

Eardrum: a teeny, tiny tympani.

Fermantra: a note that is held over and over and over and...

Fiddler crabs: grumpy string players.

Flute flies: gnat-like bugs that bother musicians playing out-of-doors.

Fog horn: a brass instrument that plays when the conductor's intentions are not clear.

Frugalhorn: a sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

Gaul blatter: a French horn player.

Grace note: the I.O.U. you deposit in the church collection plate when you're out of cash.

Ground hog: someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won't let others play it.

Kvetchendo: gradually getting ANNOYINGLY louder.

Opera buffa: musical stage production at a nudists'camp.

Pastorale: beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy.

Pipe smoker: an extremely virtuosic organist.

Pizzacato: the act of removing anchovies from an Italian dish with short, quick motions and tossing them to a nearby awaiting feline friend. Placebo Domingo: faux tenor.

Rights of Strings: manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bowed Instruments.

Rubato: cross between rhubarb and a tomato.

Schmaltzando: a sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band.

Spritzicato: plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).

Tempo tantrum: what a young orchestra is having when it's not keeping time with the conductor.

Toiletto: the effect on the human voice of reverberation in small rooms with ceramic tiles.

Trouble clef: any clef one can't read, e.g., the alto clef for pianists.

Woodwind: a noise in the game of golf, made by a club missing the ball on a tee shot.