Funny, astute comments about Guns N' Roses by Sasha Frere-Jones in the issue of The New Yorker (5/15) that came in today's mail. It was a mini-preview advancing the sold-out shows scheduled for the Hammerstein Ballroom, beginning tonight.

"He (Axl Rose) knows that the excitement of seeing Guns N' Roses has been replaced by the excitement of possibly not seeing them. At this point, it might be better if Guns N' Roses did not turn up. The original records would keep doing their work, and a riot might ensue, a more accurate (if also more actionable) expression of the band's spirit than whatever music they are, or aren't, making."

She brings back not-so-fond memories of such GN'R classics as "I Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her)." Axl and Co. were openly misogynistic -- and rightfully taken to task for it -- long before that loser Eminem came along with his own set of fun-loving songs about hating women. Wonder why all the rockcrits give Eminem a pass?

Jazz Journalists Association "Now On Jazz Radio" Panel This Wednesday in NYC

From the JJA (yes, I'm a member):

On Wednesday, May 17, the Jazz Journalists Association and New School Jazz present "Now On Jazz Radio," regarding current trends in broadcasting (satellites and podcasts included), as the fourth and final panel discussion of the "Jazz Matters" series' spring semester.

The panel takes place from 6-8 p.m. in the New School Jazz 5th floor performance space, 55 W. 13th St., NY NY, free and open to the public.

Panelists:

• Becca Pulliam, preoducer "Jazz Set with Dee Dee Bridgewater," "Toast of the Nation," formerly "Marian McPartland's Piano Jazz," WBGO-FM
• Steve Rathe, principal, Murray Street Productions; senior producer "Jazz from Lincoln Center," founding producer "Jazz Alive!," upcoming "Live from Symphony Space"
• Michael Anthony, program host "The Unforgettables," WHPC, Garden City NY
• Bethany Ryker, program host The Stochastic Hit Parade," WFMU, Jersey City NJ

Guests: TBA
Moderator: Howard Mandel
Email Hman@jazzhouse.org or call (212) 533-9495 for further information.

Question of the Day

So what's your prediction for the next BAD TRIBUTE DISC to come down the pike?

Obligatory Self-Serving, Traffic-Attracting Tom Cruise Mention. Janet Jackson, Katrina, tsunami, xbox 360, Brad Pitt, Michael Jackson, American Idol

Tom Cruise.
and just as a little traffic experiment --

The most googled terms of 2005:
Janet Jackson, Katrina, tsunami, xbox 360, Brad Pitt, Michael Jackson, American Idol, Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie, Harry Potter.

And the most froogled terms of 2005:
ipod, digital camera, mp3 player, ipod mini, psp, laptop, xbox, ipod shuffle, computer desk, ipod nano.

Let's see what happens.
Is this just too darn cynical?

Michael Bolton Swings Sinatra? Seriously?

The forthcoming (May 23) release of Bolton Swings Sinatra, a CD on the Concord label, provoked a storm of, well, mostly, laughter on the Jazz Programmers list-serv.

Ross Gentile, host of “Standards in Jazz” on WSIE-FM in Edwardsville, Ill., had this great story to tell about the reaction he received to some short on-air previews of the disc:

"I don't know how the Sinatra estate could ever put its blessing on this, as is stated in the liner notes! Right now, Sinatra in heaven is vomiting every meal he ever had at Patsy's. Where's Jilly when you really need him!

I did a segment on my show yesterday in the 5 PM hour -- "Fun with Michael Bolton". I played about 20 seconds of each track of the CD on the air. The lines to the station were jammed for a hour for me never to play that CD again!

It makes a fun bit on the air! Trust me. Every call I got from listeners -- They were laughing.

With all of the bad news on the air, from the Middle East to gas prices, etc., this was a breath of laughing gas!"

I guess I'll withhold my judgment until I actually hear the thing. But, you know, WHY? Hasn't this guy inflicted enough musical damage?

What's next, Madonna Maims Monk?

Blues Music Awards Last Night in Memphis

The Blues Music Awards, formerly the W.C. Handy Awards, were held last night in Memphis, and awards were given in 25 categories.

Nice to see several New Orleans-related people on the list, including Marcia Ball, Tab Benoit and the late, great Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown.

Response to Jacqueline Q's comment on Akeelah

I've heard great things about 2002's Spellbound, although I've yet to see it (it's on my list).

But that documentary tells the story of eight different kids from around the U.S., as they variously move toward a big bee, right? Akeelah and the Bee tells a different story altogether, from what I understand.

Speaking of Spellbound -- It always bugs me when filmmakers re-use titles of well-known films. Alfred Hitchcock's movie of the same name, made in 1945, starred Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman.

An even worse violation -- This year's surprise Oscar winner for best picture, Crash, has the same title as a 1996 David Cronenberg film starring Holly Hunter and James Spader. (Cronenberg is on record as not being happy that his title was borrowed).

Do these filmmakers presume that nobody will remember that there were earlier films bearing those titles?

Synchronicity?

So the Today show does a big feature on Freedom of the Seas, the world's largest cruise ship, on the day that Poseidon opens worldwide.

I'm not superstitious, but that just seems kind of strange.

(See my Poseidon ramblings below, and my Sarasota Herald-Tribune review)

Rare Musical Terms and Definitions

Here's a list of rare musical terms and definitions, forwarded to me by my guitar-playing friend Gary Kolosey:

Adagio fromaggio: to play in a slow and cheesy manner.

A la regretto: tempo assigned to a performance by the conductor after it is panned by the local music critics.

Al dente con tableau: in opera, chew the scenery.

Allegro con brillo: the fastest way to wash pots and pans.

AnDante: a musical composition that is Infernally slow.

Angus Dei: a divine, beefy tone. Antiphonal: referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall

A patella: unaccompanied knee-slapping.

Appologgiatura: an ornament you regret after playing it.

Approximatura: a series of notes played by a performer and not intended by the composer, especially when disguised with an air of "I meant to do that."

Approximento: a musical entrance that is somewhat close to the correct pitch. Bar line: what musicians form after a concert.

Basso continuo: the act of game fishing after the legal season has ended.

Basso profundo: an opera about deep sea fishing.

Cacophany: composition incorporating many people with chest colds.

Concerto grosso: a really BAD performance.

Coral Symphony: (see: Beethoven -- Caribbean period).

D.C. al capone: you betta go back to the beginning, capiche?

Dill piccolo: a wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

Diminuendo: the process of quieting a rumor in the orchestra pit.

Eardrum: a teeny, tiny tympani.

Fermantra: a note that is held over and over and over and...

Fiddler crabs: grumpy string players.

Flute flies: gnat-like bugs that bother musicians playing out-of-doors.

Fog horn: a brass instrument that plays when the conductor's intentions are not clear.

Frugalhorn: a sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

Gaul blatter: a French horn player.

Grace note: the I.O.U. you deposit in the church collection plate when you're out of cash.

Ground hog: someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won't let others play it.

Kvetchendo: gradually getting ANNOYINGLY louder.

Opera buffa: musical stage production at a nudists'camp.

Pastorale: beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy.

Pipe smoker: an extremely virtuosic organist.

Pizzacato: the act of removing anchovies from an Italian dish with short, quick motions and tossing them to a nearby awaiting feline friend. Placebo Domingo: faux tenor.

Rights of Strings: manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bowed Instruments.

Rubato: cross between rhubarb and a tomato.

Schmaltzando: a sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band.

Spritzicato: plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).

Tempo tantrum: what a young orchestra is having when it's not keeping time with the conductor.

Toiletto: the effect on the human voice of reverberation in small rooms with ceramic tiles.

Trouble clef: any clef one can't read, e.g., the alto clef for pianists.

Woodwind: a noise in the game of golf, made by a club missing the ball on a tee shot.